Random Rambles

Thoughts on the use of the adjective “vanilla” (ADULT subject matter)


 

I apologize for the serious and random nature of this post—no wait, I totally don’t. #RandomGen has fused with #RantyGen today with just a titch of #BitchyGen for extra “sprinkles” on my cupcake as my dear friend Penny always says. Feel free to back out of the post if you don’t want to hear it and/or are easily offended.

 

The number one definition of Vanilla (adj) in the Urban Dictionary is: Unexciting, normal, conventional, boring.

In Websters: (adj) lacking distinction, plain, ordinary, conventional

And for the Brits in the room, the Oxford definition: (adj) having no special or extra features; ordinary or standard.

 

I was thinking the other day, and not for the first time, why the use of the word vanilla as an adjective rubs me the wrong way. Think: nails on a chalkboard, Styrofoam squeaking, “Are we there yet?”… sort of irritation. It’s not like I haven’t used the word myself on occasion, or have friends who use the word and I think nothing of it when they do. It’s true. But I came to the conclusion it’s because amongst these few individuals and I, (and you know who you are) we know what we mean by that adjective and it is NONE of those definitions. It simply means “not living a Dominant/submissive relationship or regularly practicing the BDSM lifestyle”. No value-judgment, just a simple manner of categorization so as to know to what particular activities we might be referring in a conversation/book recommendation. So, yeah, “vanilla” is easier to say than all that in a conversation with each other. We understand each other just fine.

But when others use it… man.

I tell you what, nothing irks me more than individuals who want to be understood and accepted for their own choices and yet they, in turn, feel they have a right to judge the value of others’ lifestyles. By its very definition above (and by that I mean Urban Dictionary, Websters, Oxford, common parlance, the manner in which it is used on blog, and in writing) it places  an inherent value, or more correctly, de-value on something.

The very definition is judgmental.

Ordinary… BORING… lacking distinction… unexciting.

My dear blog followers, I count myself blessed and lucky to have friends from all walks of life, cultures, and lifestyles, from the ultra-conservative to the ultra-liberal, from countries near and far. So, I can’t fathom what on EARTH entitles a person in any culture/subculture to make a judgment about the sexual satisfaction a perfect stranger receives no matter HOW they like to get jiggy wid it. What makes certain folk think because some people DON’T engage in a D/s relationship or practice all the elements of BDSM on the regular that their sexual life is “vanilla” ie, as we’ve defined above, BORING, LACKING DISTINCTION, UNEXCITING?

Geeeeeeee, ok. /Sarcasmfont

For YOU, you meant to say, right? RIGHT?

‘Cause I’m down with that. We are beautiful, amazingly diverse creatures, us human beings. We are all different and we all like different things even within a sub-culture. For ME, receiving a spanking would be BORING, UNEXCITING, ORD—well, not ordinary—but HAVING NO SPECIAL FEATURES. Just like for one who craves, with their mind, emotions, physical being, a good ass-paddling NOT getting that would be—I’m extrapolating from the ubiquitous use of the term above—quite mundane in nature and lacking in appropriate stimulation (physically or psychologically). I don’t know for sure though, I’m just guessing. Because you see, otherwise, I don’t understand the use of the word vanilla AT ALL. Surely you don’t mean that because I don’t lead a D/s sexual life that my sexual life is somehow unfulfilling or boring or ordinary or lacking excitement or having no special features. And yet… there. it. is. Inherent in the use of the word itself, which you just used to describe me.

So I say with kindness in my heart (believe it or not) check your prose the next time you speak, just like I make sure and never use value-laden words such a “freaky” “perversion” “abnormal”… Hell, I even stop and cringe before I use the word “alternative” which I know many of my friends engaged in so-called “alternative” lifestyles have no problem with me using. I dithered, I kid you not, for HOURS before I used the word “naughty” on my “Cupcake’s Naughty Corner”, because that word also carries connotations that sex is somehow “not good”. I don’t like using words that place judgment on such a natural human act. After all, I would never want to assume I have the arrogant right to deem another’s sexual life to be “lacking”, “unexciting”, or “boring” because they don’t have heterosexual, monogamous, spank-free sex like I do.

 

A wise man once said:

Different Strokes for different folks…

And a wise woman once said:

“The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it’s all that matters.”

 

 

PS–Join me on Monday when I interview Bad Penny on What’s What with the What’s New in her BDSM/Erotica writing universe. YAY! Fun on Cupcake’s Corner of the #NaughtyCouch!

Tropes and Themes and Take-Charge Women, oh my! #ASMSG |


I was thinking about tropes and themes this morning. I just finished re-reading The Great Gatsby, which I am sure quite  a number of you might have done as well… No? Just saw the movie? Oh well, doesn’t matter…

It was a pretty good book, not as great as I had remembered it, but it had my mind pleasantly engaged thinking about themes and language and stylistic maneuvers that might not be tolerated in today’s publishing world (he doesn’t even reveal Nick’s name until about 15 pages in! Modern editors just urped a little reading that…) But all of that was good because it allowed me to like it a lot more than I might have. I’ve recently come to terms with the fact I rarely like books written from the 1st person perspective. It make me feel like I’m getting gossip instead of a good yarn. The one notable case in which this sensation works to advantage is in the Stephanie Plum series. Love those… or at least the first dozen or so, I mean after a while I was all, “Piss or get off the pot”– Tommy Gates.

Speaking of which,  one of the reasons I really enjoyed writing Second of All was because you don’t often see a woman pursuing a man romantically. On the rare occasions I see it on TV or literature it is in an entirely different manner: she’s a stalker, criminal, whore (always written in a pathetic/broken fashion), out for revenge (usually encompasses the three previous elements) and she rarely ‘gets her man’. Almost punished in a way for making the first move, or the second. and the third.

I like how Ginny never gave up on Tommy, but other than maybe the *ehem* handcuff thing, for me, her persistence and patience was as romantic as a man pursuing a woman. Maybe it’s that romance, even as a multi-faceted genre, caters heavily towards women. And I supposed a lot of women like the trope of being swept off their feet. Maybe sweeping a man off his feet seems like…work. But I see it more from a Pretty Woman sort of aspect:

“And she rescues him right back…”

What do you think?

Want to know MORE about the Downey characters? #ASMSG |


The following character descriptions are what you see under the tab “More About The Downey Series“.

Are there any characters you would like to know more about?

PLEASE let me know! I love hearing from my fans!

🙂

If you haven’t read my short stories, it may surprise you to know that both Tommy and Mickey are mentioned in Bird Day Battalion. One of the characters in The Bird Day Battalion  and The V-Day Aversion (Kyle Anderson) is briefly mentioned at the end of First, I Love You and shows up again at the end of Second of All.

 

Detective Thomas Michael Gates (Tommy)

Tommy played hockey for the Omaha AAA Lancers U18 team. After high school, he took courses in Criminal Justice from Metro Community College before entering the Omaha Police Academy. He achieved the rank of Detective shortly before joining the joint task force human trafficking case and is currently one of the youngest Detectives to serve on the OPD. He spent almost six years of his early childhood in the Witness Protection Program, and often jokes (to the select handful of people he actually trusts) he felt more free to be his real self in his fake life than he does living his real life. He used to spend hours imagining scenarios in which he would meet his real family…until one day, he did.

DEA Special Agent James Edgar Hoffman (James)

James has two sisters, both older than him and both work for the FBI. Stephanie, the oldest, is married, has two children, and is a Field Agent in the Chicago Division. Christie is a single workaholic and works at Quantico as a profiler. James’s father (Christopher) is a retired FBI agent who worked in Counter-Terrorism and James’s mother (Leila), a Moroccan by birth, is a proud stay at home mom. James prides himself on being the only member of the Hoffman family to choose the DEA over the FBI. He’s very liberal in his views and lifestyle compared to his very conservative parents. He has three obsessions; baseball, fast cars, and Kiki Downey.

Katherine Anastasia Downey (Kiki)

Kiki only had one steady boyfriend (Tony Luchese) before James, and that was at the age of 16, shortly before moving to Chicago from Brooklyn. Tony was 19 at the time and got arrested for fencing stolen property on the night he was supposed to take her to the school dance. After that, Kiki promised herself she’d never date another ‘neighborhood’ guy again and has only had brief ‘hookups’ with guys ever since. Kiki’s mother, Theresa Anastasio, named her after her own mother Katarina Bonanno. Kiki’s father, Mickey Downey, deliberately refused to call her anything but Kiki for the sheer pleasure it gave him to annoy his wife’s family.

Mary Elizabeth Gates (Mary)

Mary was born and raised in Massachusetts in a small blue-collar town near Boston. She is the youngest of seven children and has always had a contentious relationship with her parents due to her lofty dreams of becoming a famous singer. Her mother Elizabeth Gates was a stay at home mom who ran a daycare from her home. Her father, Thomas Gates, was a factory worker and a devout Catholic insisting that at least one of his seven children join the church. When it looked like this might fall on Mary’s shoulders she left home to stay with an older cousin (for which her mother and her father disowned her) and moved to Brooklyn on her 19th birthday to ‘make it big’. She met Mickey Downey only four months later and had her only son Tommy shortly after turning 20. She only recently repaired her relationship with her birth family and visits them once a year, though she was never able to make peace with her parents who died while she was in the Witness Protection Program.

Michael Liam Downey (Mickey)

Mickey is the son of Pauli and Maeve (O’Malley) Downey. His mother is from Ireland and his father was a Brooklyn born half Irish, half Italian, bookmaker and hired gun for Two Fingers Luciano (part of Giovanni “Big Joe” Anastasio’s crew). Mickey’s Sicilian born Nonna Rosa never did quite forgive her son for marrying another Irish girl instead of a nice Italian girl from one of the ‘families’. When Mickey chose to work for Big Joe after his father died and eventually court his daughter Theresa, his Nonna Rosa declared it her final victory over Mickey’s mother Maeve. The story goes, in the old neighborhood, that Maeve was said to utter a curse on Rosa before moving back to Ireland in protest because the next day Rosa died in the confessional before getting to see her grandson marry into one of the wealthiest and most powerful Italian families in New York. Mickey’s superior illicit skills at making money for his boss, as well as his ability to neutralize his enemies without even lifting a finger, earned him the spot of Big Joe Anastasio’s right hand man by the time he was 30.  [Click here for Mickey’s Family Tree!]

FBI Special Agent Eugenia Elaine Sommers (Ginny)

Ginny is the only child of David Sommers and Cynthia Peabody-Sommers. David builds custom handcrafted boats for a select clientele and Cynthia recently retired as Professor Emeritus at Georgetown University in Women’s Studies. Ginny’s parents were both in their 40’s before they decided to have a child. When growing up Ginny spent a majority of her time around adults at her mother’s office, where, out of sheer boredom, she began her favorite hobby of keeping scads of journals detailing her observations while people watching. Even though Ginny loves studying and observing people, having dual majored in Anthropology and Criminal Justice, she has always been socially awkward and shy in group situations. When she is alone with close friends she is actually quite daring and gregarious … except around Tommy Gates.

Giovanni Michael Downey (Joey)

Joe is currently in the ROTC program at a prestigious military academy in Virginia. He has wanted to have a career in the Air Force ever since his father Mickey Downey took him to the National Air and Space Museum at the age of 7. He’s quite proud of both sides of his family but has no intention of following in any of their footsteps. Because his father divorced Joe’s mother, Theresa Anastasio, before he had even turned one, Joe has always had a more distant relationship with his mother than Kiki but is quite close with his Bonanno and Anastasio cousins. Unlike Kiki, Joe has a very outgoing and commanding personality. However, like Kiki, he idolizes his father. It took Joe longer to accept Tommy into their lives than it did Kiki but now they are very close.

Theresa Francesca Anastasio (Theresa)

Theresa is the only child of Giovanni ‘Big Joe’ Anastasio and Katarina Bonanno. Her mother, deprived of a son because of an emergency hysterectomy, doted upon her nephew Frank and treated him as if he were her own. Theresa and Frank Bonanno grew up more like siblings than cousins and are still extremely close. Theresa knew of Mickey Downey her entire life, as they grew up with many of the same cohorts, but they did not become friends until after high school.  When Theresa realized her father was grooming Mickey for his successor rather than her cousin Frank she began making overtures towards Mickey, hoping to curry further favor with her father and reduce tension between Frank and her friend Mickey. They had an on again off again relationship until her father put his foot down and insisted Mickey marry Theresa. Although Theresa had planned to accept an internship at a prestigious fashion company in Paris, she found it the expedient thing to do to comply with her father’s wishes. After Mickey divorced Theresa less than a year after her father’s death and took the children from her, Theresa attempted to make things work in New York, but found the sympathetic looks she would receive too suffocating to take and moved to Paris a few years later.

FBI Special Agent in Charge Jack Clarence Underwood (“Uncle” Jack)

Jack Underwood grew up in New York and attended NYU where he met his wife Claire Anderson who was there on scholarship. When Jack asked Claire to marry him after he made Special Agent they settled in Brooklyn where Claire met and befriended a young Mary Gates. At the time Jack was an up and coming and very ambitious agent in Organized Crime. He had just been given the case of Mickey Downey and his boss Giovanni “Big Joe” Anastasio when his wife mentioned her new friend was dating Downey. Jack pressed hard for Mary to help the Bureau even though he felt bad about using his wife’s young friend, because he felt she would be able to do what no one had done before and flip Downey. After the trial ended in a mistrial Jack felt it was his responsibility to look after Mary and her young son Tommy because he felt guilty for putting them at risk in the first place. Jack and Claire have always though of Mary like a little sister, and never having been blessed with children due to the chemotherapy Claire had to undergo, they doted on Tommy as their honorary nephew. When Downey retired to Chicago, Jack put in for a transfer to the Chicago branch so he could keep an eye on ‘the one that got away’.

Maeve O’Malley Downey

Maeve O’Malley is the daughter of Seamus O’Malley and Aislyn McLaughlin. She was raised on an Island off the west coast of Ireland called Achill Island. When she was a teen she was sent to live with her aunt’s family in Galway to care for an elderly relative. Maeve was only eighteen when she met Pauli Downey in Boston. The summer before she was due to go to University in Galway her aunt arranged for her to have a tour of America (one of Maeve’s fondest dreams). The first stop on Maeve’s tour was to deliver a package to her McLaughlin relatives in Charlestown then spend a week with her O’Malley cousins. It was in Boston where she met Pauli Downey (there on business for Giovanni Anastasio). The two fell madly in love and instead of attending University as planned, Maeve moved to Brooklyn with Pauli. Pauli’s mother Rosa Bruno Downey hated Maeve from the get-go because she had hoped her son would marry an Italian girl. The Downey side celebrated the match because it only strengthened their ties to “a certain kind of business”. After Pauli’s death, Maeve couldn’t wait to return to her family in Ireland and only waited until her daughters were off to college (thanks to Mickey) to do so. Self-described as “not the maternal type”, she none-the-less is very protective of her children. At a sprightly 76, she is considered the Matriarch of the “business end” of Downey, O’Malley and McLaughlin clans. She lives on Achill Island and cares for her elderly father.

Curious about the Downeys? Just want a quick story? Have a look around! #ASMSG |


If it’s been a while since you’ve visited the site, you may not be aware of the short stories, flash fictions, and character bios I’ve put up on this site. So here’s a quick reference for where you can find these things.

 

On the Tab “More About the Downey Series” you will find:

 

  • Background on the Characters from the Downey series

 

 

On the Tab “Short Stories and More!” you will find:

 

 

 

 

HAPPY READING!!!

 

PS—Let me know what you think! I love hearing from you! 🙂

Good advice.


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In fact, I think that will be an opening quote for Third Time’s The Charm.

;P

Come play “Pen the Secret” on the #Naughtycouch tonight (4/11) 9-11pmCST #ASMSG


Are you a writer?

Come join Bad Penny (or Sweet P as I call her) and me for our Thursday night Pen the Secret on the #Naughtycouch over on Twitter, from 9-11pm CT!

NO you don’t have to write the #naughty just have a work in progress no matter your genre!

The #Naughtycouch is just where we’ll be meeting. It’s warm and squishy and we are very friendly, I swear!

This activity is to encourage us all to be spending more time on our WRITING!!! I know, right? That’s what we’re supposed to be doing. And yet, we’ll have some fun on Twitter at the same time! Win-win!

Starting at 9pm Chicago Time, using the hashtag #naughtycouch, we write on our works in progress in 20 minute intervals. After each writing session, the person with the highest word count gets to ask one of the other participants either a #Naughty or #Nice question. We do three of these 20 minute writing blocks in the course of the two hours so if you can’t make all of them that is fine. Also, we plan on making this a regular event!

Hope to see you Thursday nights at 9pm Central!

🙂

Did you know? First, I Love You (Downey #1) will be getting a new cover! #ASMSG |


At the end of this month, I and a few fellow authors/bloggers I coerced into doing my bidding, will reveal a brand spanking NEW & SEXY cover for First, I Love You. If you follow my Facebook page you will know this already! If you don’t, good gravy, why not? You are missing out on the Man Candy (occasional Woman Candy), the #RandomGen rambles, and the GIVEAWAYS!

 

ALL MONTH I will be having fun contests, games and giveaways so I can do something with my excitement. Gen twirls, you win things. Sound fabulous? 😉

 

Giveaway #1 JUST ended today. A signed copy of First, I Love You AND Second of All goes out to Destiny Best. All that contestants had to do was share my Facebook page on their wall. Really super simple, huh? Two free paperback books!

Giveaway #2 will be announced on #MadForMobstersMonday! Ahh, this one will be super fun! I can’t wait!

In the mean time, I sure could use some help from all my Downey Dames & Dudes in drumming up LIKES for my Facebook page, FOLLOWS on Twitter and EMAIL subscribers to this blog. Liking, following, and subscribing assures people they won’t miss out on any of the prizes and swag to come!

 

HAVE A FANTASTIC FRIDAY!!!

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*SMOOCHES*

Hee.

 

Come play “Pen the Secret” on the #Naughtycouch 2nite (4-4) 9pmCST #ASMSG


Come play “Pen the Secret” on the #Naughtycouch 2nite (4-4) 9pmCST #ASMSG.

Bad Penny (or Sweet P as I call her) and I are hosting the first ever Pen the Secret contest on the #Naughtycouch over on Twitter!

NO you don’t have to be #naughty or write the #naughty!

That’s just where we’ll be meeting. It’s warm and squishy and we are very friendly, I swear!

This activity is to encourage us all to be spending more time on our WRITING!!! I know, right? That’s what we’re supposed to be doing. And yet, we’ll have some fun on Twitter at the same time! Win-win!

Please click on the link above as Penny’s spelled out the rules, etc.

Hope to see you Thursday nights at 9pm Central starting tonight!

🙂

The journey’s half the fun!


So let’s go together!
Sometimes we get this sense of urgency;
write, promote, sell, edit, teach, create, train, motivate, do, do, DO!
There is a great compliment in knowing
people are waiting on your next piece of work,
but, don’t forget to take a deep breath,
look around,
smile at your companions,
and enjoy the journey!

“Equality Before The Law.”


A little about me and my beliefs.

Nebraska has a motto: “Equality before the law.” When discussing this with our children, my husband and I like to remark on the many facets of that simple statement. It can mean all human beings should be seen as equal in rights when applying the law. It can mean law makers should emphasize equality of people before the blind use of a law (meaning equal rights should trump an archaic piece of legislation). It can mean, simply, all people with legal standing should have equal access to all legal rights. Even more broadly applied, all human beings of all ages legally recognized as citizens should be seen as equally entitled to the protection, benefits, and adjudication of the law.

It is not just a saying, it is a way of thinking:

All human beings should have the same rights so long as the application of their rights do not enfringe upon the rights of others, and when deciding a dispute, all efforts should be made to ensure ALL human rights are equal before the law.

I’m married, heterosexual, and monogamous. I do not believe my right to practice this is in any way infringed upon by those who are not heterosexual and would like to be monogamously recognized by the State in a legal marriage. Religiously, my beliefs are in no way threatened by those who do not believe or practice the same things I do, because they are not forcing me to abandon my beliefs or restrict my legal right to practice/believe them.

Therefore, equality before the law means, if some one is asking for legal standing, and giving them legal right to share property rights and pay taxes in certain brackets in no way affects my rights, then it should be recognized as such.

This is my opinion, and I certainly respect the opinons of others to disagree morally/religiously, I simply choose to abide by the rule:

Equality before the law.