love

A Letter from Mickey Downey, Part Nine.

The following is a letter referenced in Third Time’s the Charm;

He let go of Kiki and fished a letter out of his pocket…

~~~

Dear Princess,

I am writing you this letter on the occasion of your seven month birthday. Why seven, you ask? Seven is a lucky number and I want as much luck infused into this letter as I can get. It’s actually my third attempt. The first was a bit too combative I think, a failure on my part to acknowledge the inevitability of certain things. The second, I dwelt a bit too much on other things I’ve lost and which should never be your concern. And so here we are, third time’s the charm, as they say.

I’m going to hold on to this letter until you are grown and ready to start your own family. Which I hope is long after my death. Just kidding. Today your mother wants to take you to Festa di San Gennaro which I think is a horrible idea because my mind spins with all the possible ways you could get hurt by the crowd or scared by all the noises and scents. When you have your own babies I think you will understand how consumed a parent can get with protecting their child, and that brings me to the point of this letter. I want you to know that I love you far beyond any earthly want or need and that as long as it is within my power–even if that power is only my two bare hands–I will do my best to protect you from harm.

The day I give you this letter, or have it given to you, will be the day you have found someone who will love and protect you as much as your father can. I do hope I will give you this letter someday because even at seven months old I can tell you deserve nothing less than everything your sweet, joyful heart desires. I truly believe you are a gift from a God who has no reason to give a man such as me anything. But I will cherish every moment with you until the day I give you away to another and then I will cherish the memories I have of you.

Please know, in this life and the next, I will always watch over you and love you.

Your loving father,

Mickey.

Read the rest of the letters here: Letters From Mickey Downey

#ASMSG COVER REVEAL: Third Time’s The Charm (Downey 3) |#SEP #BYNR|

THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM

The Downey Trilogy #3

Adult Contemporary Fiction: Family Drama/Intrigue/Romance

Expected Release: October 31st, 2013

Once to Begin, Twice to Bind, and Third Time’s The Charm…

Of all the things Mickey Downey has accomplished in his life, successfully quitting his vices is the one thing he hasn’t been able to master. For the first time Mickey is free to have both Mary and Tommy in his life but yet he’s never been closer to being pulled back into the criminal world. While Tommy, Ginny and James work overtime to expose a nefarious plot threatening all of them, Kiki and Maeve Downey are hatching their own plots to make Mickey’s dreams come true. With shenanigans afoot in every aspect of Mickey’s life, he may be forced to pick up the weapons he promised Mary he would leave behind in order to protect his children. Can Mary finally accept he might never truly be free of it or will Mickey’s enemies once again succeed in tearing them apart?

Excerpt:

Mary lifted her head and stared dully at his body lounging against the door frame, hands in his pockets, as usual. She was so permeated with emotion and memories and her eyes stung with that dry wetness of too many tears, she couldn’t bother to feel shame at being caught. She said the first thing on her mind.

“You—you never sent them,” Mary stopped and swallowed. “How come you never mailed them to me?”

Michael came and sat on the bed next to her. When the mattress dipped to accommodate him, her hip tilted into his and she put a hand out onto his thigh to brace herself. His left hand reached out and covered hers, tracing the faint wrinkles on her knuckles. His other hand reached across and gently took the box from her lap.

“I didn’t know where you were. But even if I had, I wouldn’t have. I couldn’t. They were never meant for you to see. I thought by writing them I could somehow exorcise you from my heart, get the memories out of my head.”

“But… After you found us and you started writing Tommy…”

“It was easier with him. There was no resentment and pain with the guilt, just love. We’re family. It was my duty as his father to make sure he knew his siblings at the very least. When I wrote to him it felt like a gift. With you…” his voice trailed off and she could tell by the tightness in his tone he was battling his emotions. “I knew after I saw you again, there would never be a day when I didn’t love you. And I no longer wanted to cut you out of my heart.”

She turned her head and looked into his eyes. They were bloodshot but otherwise dry.

“Oh, Michael,” Mary’s voice broke and his face blurred again from her tears. She wiped them impatiently. She moved her body so she could face him more directly. “Don’t you know how much I would have given to have known even half of this?”

His lips tightened and his gaze dropped to their hands.

“I thought you did know, Mary. I tried the best I could to show you what you meant to me. Words are cheap. I spent my days lyin’ to people. You know I’m damn good at it. I thought, with you, the words weren’t as important as showing you. When we were together in Brooklyn, you had all of me. All of the real me. The rest of the world had the smoke and mirrors.”

She reached up her hand and laid it flat against his chest. His heart was racing. He grabbed her hand and pressed it to his lips. She scooted closer and laid her head against his neck. She could feel the sinews of his muscles and bones and his breathing seemed labored.

“Spend the night with me. We’ve wasted so much time. You said you came for me. I’m tired of this dance, so tired,” Michael stopped. She lifted her head and watched him grit his teeth before he continued. “I’m done with it. Done with being a gentleman. We can go on as many dates as you like, but I’m not going to be under the same roof with you and not have you in my bed.”

~~~

It is necessary to read First, I Love You (Downey #1) and Second of All (Downey #2) prior to reading Third Time’s The Charm.

~~~

About the Author:

www.GenevieveDewey.com

(Get missing scenes and supplemental flash fiction!)

Twitter ~ Facebook ~ Goodreads ~ Pinterest ~ Google+ ~ YouTube ~ Amazon

Genevieve Dewey is the author of The Downey Trilogy and the Downey spinoff short romances featuring Katelyn & Dominic (The Bird Day Battalion and The V-Day Aversion). She is a wife, mother, sister, friend and Anthropologist. She is also an unapologetic lover of chocolate, bourbon, high heels, guns, and spending hours getting lost in research. Gen lives in Nebraska with her husband and three children. Her books include:

The Downey Trilogy

First, I Love You

Second of All

Third Time’s The Charm

Short Romances

The Bird Day Battalion (Free everywhere!)

The V-Day Aversion

Countdown to Third Time’s The Charm: A Tommy and Mickey excerpt from First, I Love You (Downey #1)

Here is another fan-favorite moment from The Downey Trilogy:

This one is going out to Mary, a huge Tommy and Mickey fan who tells me this is her favorite father-son moment from First, I Love You:

Tommy was half glaring at him, lips pursed. Then he, too, let out a sigh and shrugged, running his hand through his hair.

“Truth is, my mom had already mentioned something to me a couple times before last night about spending more time with you while I’m here. I think I’ve been soundly outvoted here,” Tommy said, still sounding agitated.

“And you hate that, don’t you?” Mickey asked with a smile.

This boy was so much like him sometimes it was uncanny. But he knew instinctively that would be the last thing he should say to him right now. He walked over to the wet bar in the study and fixed an Old Fashioned. It was 5:00 somewhere. He got a cooled bottle of water out for Tommy from the mini-fridge and handed it to him. Tommy was watching his movements with a wariness and body language that spoke of fatigue.

“I’ve made no secret of my desire to have you be a part of my life. Everything’s been said, what feels like a thousand times over by now. But the last thing I want is you standing in my home against your will. Out of some sense of obligation to the people you do actually care about. It pleases me to see you, but it pleases me to see you happy most of all. What would make you happy?” Mickey asked softly.

Tommy looked down at his bottle in his hand and back up at Mickey through the fringes of his hair then looked away again. He didn’t answer, but he took a drink from his water and walked to the Chippendale desk in the corner of the room. Tommy fiddled with Mickey’s Al Capone bobble head someone had given him as a joke when he first moved to Chicago. It was difficult, but Mickey bit his tongue and waited, giving Tommy the space he needed to answer.

“If I didn’t care it would be easier, wouldn’t it?” Tommy finally answered, not looking at Mickey.

Mickey remained silent, such was his shock at hearing his son say he cared about him. Or is that what he said? Maybe by ‘cared’ he simply meant ‘cared to never have anything to do with you ever’. His confusion kept him mute.

Tommy finally turned and looked at him.

“It’s not like we’re strangers. Like we just met or something. We have… loved ones in common. A shared history; a few fond memories, though long ago. We’ve spent a couple holidays and family events together. But it’s not as if we’re close either. We don’t really know each other except for facts on a sheet and a superficial understanding of likes and dislikes. And, yes, that has been intentional on my part. I’ve told you why. I haven’t been able let go of my anger at you for what you put my mother through, and I can’t help but think,” Tommy stopped and ran a hand through his hair again. “What’s the point of getting to know you better? I’m still a cop and you’re still a man who has zero respect for what I do for a living. But I’ve never claimed to be indifferent. Of course I care. I care that my own father loves me, but I also care that he obviously doesn’t respect me—”

“Now hold up just one second, son! I do respect you. I am very proud of you and of the man you’ve become—”

“I care that you make me feel important and valued but treat others—”

“It’s true I don’t have any faith in law enforcement—”

“—with such breathtaking callousness and cruelty.”

“—or the justice system but I admire your dedication to it. I admire—”

“I care that you lavish us with obviously heartfelt gifts with money stolen—”

“—that you are a good person and a good example to your—”

“—from ‘dedicated’ and ‘good’ people who fear you—”

“Enough!” Mickey shouted.

The bourbon in his glass spilled all over his trembling hand and dripped to the worn wooden floor below. His stomach churned with tension and residual panic, and far from calming his nerves, the alcohol seemed to be ramping up the suffocating sensation of powerlessness that had threatened at the edges since Frank’s call. For years he had called all the shots. For years he had commanded respect from everyone around him. But with the one man whose respect he was so desperate to earn he was completely ineffectual. Everything was hanging in the balance on every front, and he couldn’t guarantee that a few loyal men and few billion dollars would be enough to protect his children and the woman he loved and he had given all that power up for this man – this man! – who refused to even see him as anything but the sum of his worst actions.

Countdown to Third Time’s The Charm: An excerpt from Second of All (Downey #2)

First, congratulations to Fran S. for winning the contest yesterday on my Facebook Page. She won a signed paperback of First, I Love You. I’ll be having more contests while we wait for Third time’s The Charm, so don’t worry if you didn’t have time!

Between now and then, let’s get back to reliving some fan-favorite moments from First, I Love You and Second of All. This one is going out to Caroline, another huge James and Kiki fan who tells me this is her favorite moment from Second of All:

She felt a fissure of awareness that made goose bumps on her skin and she somehow knew he had shifted his brooding gaze to her profile. She waited for him to say something, but the limo remained silent. She felt him shift ever so slightly towards her then the car began to slow.

“We’re here, Miss Downey,” Kevin said through the intercom.

“Thank you, Kevin,” Kiki answered, slipping her heels back on.

She glanced at James and saw he was frowning menacingly at his jacket across from him. It was both exciting and off putting at the same time. Exactly who was he mad at? Her? Her family? Poor Kevin? Ugh, she was so tired of worrying about everyone else’s feelings. When Kevin opened the door she got out and marched into the lobby without waiting for James. She pretended like he didn’t exist as they rode in the elevator to their sensibly priced room (as sensible as one could get at a five star luxury hotel – a hard won victory on her part over his stubborn pride). She could tell he was still sending her intense almost predatory looks, but if he wasn’t going to communicate, why should she?

Kiki heard the hotel door thunk closed behind them and the snick of the security bolt as she walked forward and started taking her heels off. She hadn’t made it but three steps in when James grabbed her arm and twirled her around. She looked into his eyes, startled, and gasped a little as he yanked her towards him, crushing his mouth to hers. She could taste the alcohol from his drinks on his lips and reflexively put her arms around him as he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her madly.

James hitched her up around his waist and pressed her up against the wall of the hotel room, one hand making its way under her dress and yanking her underpants down a bit. Her head felt sandwiched between the wall and his mouth, his tongue as demanding as his fingers on her pelvis. She dug her fingernails into his arms and wrapped her legs around him, trying to both get a better grip and a bit more freedom. Instead he pressed his torso even more against hers, and she could feel the gun from his holster against her side and the badge against his belt. He scooted her up a bit then dropped his grip on her waist, and undid his pants as her legs slowly listed down. She held onto his shoulders with her hands, and managed to gasp out between kisses,

“James!”

He ignored her and finished dropping his pants, then grabbed her legs back up around his waist. His mouth crushed against hers again, almost painfully in its possessiveness and his hands grabbed her hands and pressed them above her head against the wall.

A Letter from Mickey Downey, Part Eight.

~~~

Dear Tommy,

First, I love you and think of you often. I keep hoping you will call but maybe I’ve just forgotten how busy a young boy gets. Or maybe you can’t call long distance? You can always call collect, just ask your mother how. I did try to call you on Christmas but there was no answer and no way to leave a message. I can’t understand why your mother wouldn’t have an answering machine. Perhaps I’ll send her one and a calling card.

What have you been up to since my visit? Is third grade a challenge? I don’t know why but I remember it being the first time I ever thought school to be fun. We finally started learning some math that was interesting that year. Do you like math like me? Maybe you like music like your mother. She is an exceptional pianist. I’m sure she’s forgotten to mention that as she’s quite modest. I know she teaches music but I’m not sure if she ever plays for recreation anymore. You should ask her to play something for you some time. Maybe you could even tell her I miss her beautiful voice. You don’t have to.

Anyway, your little brother is teething. In case you don’t know what that is, it’s when an ordinarily angelic baby become an impossible to please demon. And that is saying something with Joey. I think I mentioned he is usually as mellow as you were as a baby so this has been quite the adjustment for both of us. Ah well, this too shall pass. Your sister Kiki is having a blast in Kindergarten. She has a whole tribe of boys and girls she has convinced that she is actually a princess and somehow gets them to bring her things and give her their desserts. But here’s the kicker, son, she kept all of it and had an ‘auction’ on the playground to sell it back to all of them. Then she gave her teacher the money. I asked why and she said, ‘so she can buy us some good snacks for story time. No one likes carrots and crackers.’ HA! As a father I’m torn between pride at her entrepreneurial and management skills and pointing out that the establishment frowns at that sort of ‘business’. Or so the government and my lawyers tell me. I can’t wait to see what sort of scheme your brother dreams up in five years. I actually woke up in a sweat the other day thinking about what sort of shenanigans he could come up with if he’s anything like me.

Ah speak of the devil, he’s up again. I’m beginning to greatly appreciate the sacrifice your mother made raising you with only a part time parent to help. I guess it’s time to hire an au pair. That’s a fancy word for live-in babysitter.

I love you (I know I said that already–can’t be said enough). Hope to hear from you soon.

Your Loving Father,

Mickey

PS- I put the calling card in with this letter and another business card.

Read the rest of the letters here: Letters From Mickey Downey

Countdown to Third Time’s The Charm: An excerpt from First, I Love You (Downey #1)

Getting impatient for the third book in The Downey Trilogy? While we wait for the cover reveal on September 19th and the release on October 31st, I’m going to try and keep things interesting. Maybe some contests like we did with the others, giveaways, excerpts, who knows…

But first, I’ll begin with reliving some fan-favorite moments from First, I Love You and Second of All. This one is going out to Brenda, a huge James and Kiki fan who tells me this is her fave moment from First, I Love You:

“Kiki open the door! At least let me explain. Please, baby,” he said, panic seeping into his veins.

Once again he’d underestimated Downey. He’d clearly already pissed on his territory and gotten his version of events out first.

“Go away, Agent Hoffman. Before I call the police,” her soft voice finally said.

The tears and pain in her voice squeezed at his heart. He rattled the door handle a few more pointless times then took out his frustration by banging the door with both fists and kicking it to punctuate each word.

“Kiki! Dammit! Kiki. Open. This. God. Damned. Door! I told you it was separate! I told you—!”

His last words were abruptly cut off by hands jerking him back and slamming him into the opposite wall. The man he’d seen with Downey in the alley pinned him to the wall, forearm choking off his airway. James brought his arm up but he wasn’t quick enough to stop the pistol blow across his head. Jesus, he thought as the gun repeatedly wacked down on him. James twisted sideways, training finally kicking in and swept his assailants legs, punching him in the kidney as he dropped. The man fell down and his gun skidded.

James reached for his own weapon but his hands fumbled as the world spun and the lost seconds were enough for the man to get up and land a solid rib punch, knocking him breathless on the ground, followed in quick succession with well-placed strategic kicks to his midsection, hands and legs, intended on immobilizing him. The guard was clearly well-trained in the dirty street-fight. He tried his best to block the attacks, but his head was throbbing from the pistol whip and he couldn’t seem to gain traction or calculate a plan as the man wailed on him. Stupid, stupid, he thought hazily. He had been so focused on her he had let his guard down.

“STOP!! My God, stop! Carlo, stop it! James! James!” he heard Kiki shrieking and the abuse stopped.

Blood and sweat stung his eyes but he could see her face suddenly hovering over his, world still spinning madly. He could feel her tiny soft hands cupping his head, smell her sweet smelling hair against his face and he used all the strength he had left to raise his hand up and bring her head down to his. He could taste her tears on her lips as he heard himself whisper against them,

“I love you…”

Then the world went black.

A Letter from Mickey Downey, Part Seven.

~~~

Hello Joey!

I do hope you’re settling in well at school, and that you are not having me on about being happy to go. I usually don’t worry about you pretending to be happy about something you are not, unlike your sister, but in this case you can chalk it up to a case of your father having some anxiety about sending you so far. Not to mention so unsupervised. Yes, I realize it is a military school but I can recall being thirteen with a clarity that would frighten you. I’m sure you have trouble imagining me so young. I wish I had had your maturity when I was that age, who knows what might have happened? In any case I would appreciate you using the new phone and computer I bought you for regular facetime. Emails or letters will not be enough. You are a Downey so I know mischief runs heavy in your veins. And the sneaky twinkle in your sister’s eyes has me uneasy as well. I do want to say I would not mind if you showed an interest in taking up letter writing like me and your great grandpa Seamus. It is a forgotten art form. People just dash off texts and emails these days without a care.

I just scared myself with how old that made me sound. You can stop snickering any time. On another note, I just got off the phone with your brother who was surprisingly friendly. Well, perhaps not friendly, but polite and animated. He’s moved out of that horrid old house he was renting off 48th and found a single apartment closer to downtown. I said that was a good move because the hours he keeps he has no business having to keep up another man’s yard, and let’s be real the other tenants in that house never did their part. He’s thinking he might be making the rank of Detective soon. I’m sure he figured that would just ruin my day, but quite the opposite. I told him if he doesn’t make it, I could get him placed here in Chicago, the Alderman in our district is always carrying on about needing more boys in blue. Tommy laughed quite a bit at that. Who knows at which part? But he thanked me for the call, which was a first. If you were here you’d be able to tell me if I was making too much out of it. This is another reason I will miss you greatly–our talks about Tommy. It’s not the same with your sister. She is too much of a people pleaser, always wanting to fix things that can’t be fixed. You inherited your poppa Big Joe’s skill for listening. Another forgotten art.

I’d better wrap this up, especially since I will be seeing you soon anyway, in fact, maybe before this letter even arrives. See? Your old man can be sneaky too. Possibly you already knew that. (nyuk nyuk nyuk) I’ve a friend in DC I haven’t seen in quite a while and I thought I’d surprise him with a visit and I can pop over and see you while I’m there. You can show me around your dorm and introduce me to your new friends, of which I am sure you already have several. Did your mother tell you that you actually have a cousin on the Bonanno side not too far from there? I’m not sure of the exact connection, you’ll have to check with her.

I love you and don’t forget I’m always keeping an eye on you, so no shenanigans, alright, boyo?

See you soon!

Your Loving Father,

Mickey

PS- Keep your grades up and my pilot says he’d be happy to have you along for a ride in the cockpit. Won’t that be a fun bragging right for your friends?

Read the rest of the letters here: Letters From Mickey Downey

A Letter from Mickey Downey, Part Six. (Warning: angsty and raw)

The following is a letter referenced in Third Time’s The Charm;

Beneath the tray was a bundle of letters, no envelopes, about an inch thick…

~~~

My dearest Mary,

I struggle to write this. I guess I’m not sure if you care. I wonder if they’ll even give it to you. I guess it doesn’t matter because I’m not even sure if I’ll ever send it to you. I just can’t help but wonder if I’d stayed that night, hadn’t walked out, if I could have changed your mind. An hour. That’s the length of time it took me to lose everything that mattered. An HOUR and you were gone. I think they do that on purpose, the Feds. That way they can fill your head with lies and ~~manip~~ ~~manu~~ manipulations. Never noticed how long that word was before.

I guess I just need you to know I love you and Tommy and that’s a truth I need to make you know. But they won’t let me see you. They won’t tell me where you are. It’s inappropriate, my lawyers advise, in any case. That’s a long word too. Of course it is but you’re not just any witness are you? I know how this game works and ain’t that just the Goddamned joke of it all? For the first time I want to get to someone just because I need you to understand I was working on it. I had a plan and if you’d just waited. just waited a goddamned hour

I don’t know what the fucking Feds are telling you but I know for sure whatever you have to say it isn’t enough, so why do this thing? Why? What could they have promised you? Tomorrow I’m going to hope seeing me in court will make you see reason. If you were tired of it I mean I know you were but like I said I was working on it and you can’t take my son from me we could have worked something out

I hope there’s some way tomorrow

I don’t know maybe it’s best Big Joe is so pissed and Theresa just won’t shut the fuck up about getting her own baby and now I’m just alone

you’ll laugh because I just did that thing you can’t stand, lick the end of my pen. As if anyone ever died from that. I miss the way you nag. I miss tucking our boy in bed and I miss every fuckin thing

I should not write letters when I’m drunk. there. I nagged for you

I love you

Mickey

Read the rest of the letters here: Letters From Mickey Downey

A Letter from Mickey Downey, Part Five.

The following is a letter that was written the February before this flashback in First, I Love You;

She smiled remembering it. Little Joey running all over the hotel lobby getting into things the way restless nine year old boys do. Daddy all tense and silent, staring at ‘that woman’, as mom had always called her. And Tommy–Ha!–Tommy, acting like he had just wandered into the Omaha Hilton because he had nothing better to do. But she could see in his eyes he was just as nervous as she was. Just as curious to finally meet his siblings…

And in Second of All;

“We’re here so you can meet your brother for the first time. You can get an ice cream any other time.”

Joey sent a quick resentment-filled look at Tommy who was teasing a furiously blushing Kiki about some boy-band she liked…

~~~

Dear Princess,

I hope you are enjoying Paris! I know I said I wouldn’t “bug you” while you are visiting your mother but I thought it might be nice to get a letter from your old man anyway. It feels strange to be writing to you instead of enjoying your company while I write to others. It’s not only odd in its intended recipient but because my study feels very empty without you. I can feel you rolling your eyes at that, even from across the ocean. Oh well, somehow we will both survive your teen years. You’ll be happy to know your “stinky little brother” has so far kept his promise to stay out of your room. Either that or he is exceptionally talented at not getting caught. Given his parentage, it could go either way. I’m sure you’ll be happy to know he’s still quite jealous you got to go without him. I suggested maybe I could send him to his mother during his own birthday month, but he’s still set on Coney Island.

Speaking of brothers, Tommy will be graduating this May. Since Joey doesn’t want to head to Europe, I thought it would be nice if we could take a trip over to Omaha and see Tommy graduate. Won’t it be nice to meet him in person? Well past time, I think. You’ll find when you get older it’s easy to let time slip away and before you know it your daughter’s wearing lipstick and your oldest son’s graduating high school. You should probably make sure your mother doesn’t see this letter. You know how she gets when people mention Tommy.

I have to run now. Call me when you get this letter so I can hear your sweet voice.

Your loving father,

Mickey.

PS–Remember our deal, you need to be completing your homework. Getting out of school for a month doesn’t mean you can slack off.

PPS–No falling in love with any French boys.

We Could Pretend… #poem

From Beth Ronan’s Poetry Compilation “Blurred Lines”

We Could Pretend

By Genevieve Dewey

We could pretend we both got lost here

…crossed paths like two strangers.

Strange in body, but not in soul

Certainly not in hearts.

Because ours

Have surely met before.

We could pretend we both found here

…Discovered by the fusion of fate and serendipity.

That heart’s intention had a will of its own

And could see with greater clarity

Than our words and mind.

Because ours

Have never been more blind.

We could pretend we both are free here

…Unburdened by promises and expectation.

Adrift in a sea of peaceful indecision

Where clarity came not from stillness

But a rare moment of chaotic bliss

Because ours

Would not be a placid sort of love.

We could pretend we floated to shore

…kissed by the lapping of the waves.

That our caresses were born from survival

And not an anxious sort of loneliness.

Because ours

Have always been this desperate.

We could pretend that nobody would mind

…betrayed by none and no betrayal in kind

That our love was just more prescient

Than the petty dictates of ephemeral morals.

Because ours

Have atrophied once more.

We could pretend we cared about any of that

…tethered to a society that tells us we should.

But we never were fond of children’s games

Nor too weak or innocent to face reality.

Instead we pretend nothing and willingly suffer

The consequences of our honesty.

Because ours

…Is not a pretending sort of love.

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We Could Pretend

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